Out with the old

I guess part of this whole "finding myself, and finding God" sort of thing is really coming together. For some reason I had a desire to check to see if an old Livejournal blog I had still existed, and I found it! I re-read all the thoughts I had chosen to write down between my senior year in high school and my decision to become a Christian in college. It was remarkable, like I had stumbled on a buried treasure. I saw an old part of myself I had forgotten and ignored, which could possibly be why I've been having such identity issues lately.

It was scary reading my thoughts, because they were generally off-the-mark and I could see how they led me to my downfall. I remembered my feelings during that winter season where I was so confused I just had to stop and write over 50 posts in order to sort things out. I really hope this blog doesn't turn into something like that, because I would prefer it to be edutaining - hopefully running through my weird encounters in life and coming up with beautiful realizations about God. Reading this journal was like reading a confused kid compromise his morals and spiral into oblivion because life got serious all of a sudden.

I realize that this season of life is very similar to that season in life, in some regards. I mentioned God, but usually in anger, sadness, or some bassackwards opinion that seemed like truth, but only from the world's perspective. Not-so-surprisingly, things I write now could be construed as the same, given your opinions.

I need to get in touch with my "whosoever-ness". God so loved the world that he gave is only begotten son so that whosoever believes in him may not perish but have eternal life. I think God may have led me to read my old journal to remember who I was, and the path I was on. I also saw the ways He reached out to me, where I actually got it and then immediately forgot about it because I didn't pray about it and follow up on my own realizations.

Specifically I remember one entry about how I was tired of my Catholic faith and I thought that ditching religion altogether would help me get closer to God. Then a friend commented telling me that I should just check out other churches instead, and stay in community, because you can't get to know God without a community. She was right, and when I tried "going it alone" in college, I was easily distracted away from God and lost sight of Him.

I also saw a season when I decided to join a bible study my freshman year, and how I was feeling really good and at peace, but then Satan came and washed me away. I'm heading back to that critical mindset I had back then, though. I was a good thinker, and didn't blindly accept whatever someone said about my faith. I think I've been a little too closed-minded lately and it's time to start separating what is true and what is cultural.

Halloween

It's that time of year where little kids roam the streets dressed like little hellions, male college students saunter down the streets dressed like something they think is clever (but it's not), and female college students stumble down the streets dressed as strippers dressed as something else. Meanwhile, adults have a few decisions:

• Make a haunted house, which, in my opinion, is far too elaborate an effort and money for one day.
• If you have kids, you can go trick-or-treating with them to chaperone (then steal 10% of their candy as payment for your services).
• If you're of the female variety, you can man the door and seem to have infinite patience with each group of kids that comes by. I really, really don't understand how you all can stand saying "Oh look! We have a princess!" and "And what are youuuuuuuuUU?" 37 thousand times in one evening. This is why we (men) need you.
• On the other hand! If you're of the male variety, you can man the door and bark orders at the kids that come by to keep this madness as efficient as possible. This is key. Without order to the candy-grabbing, there's a 99% chance that, given a group of 6 or more, you will give candy twice to one little jerk kid who puts himself in line twice in all the confusion. This kid will start robbing convenience stores once he turns 14, get shipped off to juvy, then boot camp, then die in the marines. That's right. Maliciously cheating in candy-grabbing is a gateway to a path that ends in an early demise. Your order and discipline will save this boy's life.
• Regardless of sex, you can find a Halloween party to go to (Warning: friends required!), but that usually involves coming up with a costume appropriate for your age. This is very difficult, time consuming, and expensive to do. Also, given that Halloween is on a Sunday, you will probably have parties to go to Friday or Saturday, leaving you alone and vulnerable on Sunday night.
• If you forget to buy candies to give out, turn off all your lights, remove all pumpkins from your doorstep, and be silent all evening. Seriously, pretend you're in a submarine that's being bombed by depth charges. Hide yo' kids. Hide yo' wife. Hide yo' kids. Hide yo' wife.

Some good Halloween memories:

• My mom used to make costumes for me. Once I was a basketball, which was a giant orange circle filled with newspaper. It sounded like I was wearing a diaper. Another year I was a bag of M&Ms, and kids at school tried to open me. I think I cried when they did that.
• My dad takes manning the door to a whole new level. He messes with the kids' minds, trying to catch them off-guard by yelling "Trick-or-treat!" first, telling them to line up alphabetically by height, or asking them if they've seen his remote (at which point all of them look in their pillow-cases full of candy for his remote). He also took a 10% candy-tithe from me for his door-manning services.
• One time my roommate in college brought back a bunch of people I had never met to party in our room with some apple-flavored vodka and other stuff. Once the twin sisters dressed as strippers dressed as police officers began to be pressured to make out with each other (on my bed!), I decided I didn't want any part of this crazy party/drinking scene. So I left and ended up getting drunk with other people. It seems as if it's impossible for a college student not to drink on Halloween.

This year, I'll be watching the World Series with a bowl of candy ready to give out, unless I forget to buy candy in which case I'll be watching the World Series with the volume muted and all the lights in my house turned off.

What are you doing on Halloween?

Identity

I surprised myself this week.

You see, normally I worry about things that I'm used to worrying about. I struggle with self-esteem, self-image, my relationship with God, my relationships with other humans, my family, my church, whether I have food in my fridge and if I'm going to be too lazy to buy some before dinner, my overgrown backyard, my unwashed car, my messy kitchen, when am I going to remodel my bathroom? I really hope I don't completely waste my life away when I buy Fallout: New Vegas...

I'm used to struggling with that kind of stuff. Stuff where I know I'm weak, where I've failed before so I know to be a little more careful. But right now I feel like a person who's walked across the same bridge every day for 8 years and has never once been tempted to jump off, until today.

Of course, I'm talking about cars.

I've driven a car since I was 16. My first car was a 1989 Buick Century Station Wagon. It could hold 8 people, and it made me quite useful in high school. My second car was a 1996 Subaru Legacy that I really enjoyed, but it was really my sister's so I only got to use it for a summer while she was gone. Now I have a 1999 Honda Accord with 114,000 miles on it.

A couple weeks ago I was talking with someone who said she liked her car, but next time she's getting a pickup truck, or something like that. I always liked girls who have a car that exudes confidence. Last week one of my co-workers who is going through a mid-life crisis bought a Maserati. It's a pretty sweet looking car.

This one.

I guess cars have been on my mind a lot lately, in a pretty dangerous way. Just yesterday I started browsing convertibles online, trying to find out which car fits me best. Today on the way to work I was looking at the cars around me trying to see if I could see myself in any of them. I've been wondering what kind of car fits my personality best? Am I really as dull and practical as my Honda Accord? If I drove a pickup truck would I be able to pull it off or would I be a poser? Now I feel hopelessly trapped to my Accord because it seems to reflect my personality so well. I am dull and practical. I'm not adventurous at all, and if I got another car that wouldn't really change the fact that I am a "nothing special car" kind of guy. Who's attracted to a Honda Accord type of guy?

I never knew that one's identity could be so wrapped up in the kind of car he drives, but now I understand that feeling all too well. In all my searching I couldn't find a car that I felt reflected my personality, which I guess is a good thing. I was about to ask my friends what kind of car they could see me in, but then I realized that would probably send me through a whirling identity crisis as I tried to figure out what that said about me. I don't want that.

I guess I'm still in the process of resolving my identity, but I know one thing that won't help: looking for my reflection in a possession.

My Doubt

Over at Jason Boyett's blog, he's doing a series on doubt. He's allowing bloggers and authors much more talented than me to explain how they doubt their faith, why they doubt, and why that's completely okay.

I believe there's a difference between having "The Answers" and having answers. A person that has "The Answers" can be annoying. They mindlessly regurgitate quotes from scholars that have helped them justify their faith in the past. But the truth is that these days if you want to justify your faith, all you have to do is look hard enough and you'll find a well-known scholar who shares your opinion. All of these people are considered "godly" men or women, with degrees in philosophy, divinity, history, sociology, psychology, or any other number of subjects that give them the "Christian street cred". Want to make your faith political? Saturate your study with Al Mohler, or if you're a liberal read Jim Wallis. I believe there's a theology war going on right now between John Piper and Rick Warren. Both of these men preach a biblical messages, but they can have radically different views when it comes to "The Answers".

On the other hand, having answers is something I believe everyone should have. Understanding biblical culture, history, and geography really help bring out the Gospel message. We're reading Ruth in the 20s group at church, and it's hard to resonate with the magnitude of the story unless you have a good understanding that Ruth was A) a foreigner that Israel wasn't supposed to associate with, and B) a woman who. Unless you understand that women were considered scum in biblical times, it's pretty hard to get the real message in Ruth. I believe everyone should constantly seek out these answers, so they can interpret the Bible better.

But what happens when you run across something that makes you doubt, and neither answers or The Answers help you? I've been reading Matthew lately, and it's been making me question whether the Gospel is targeted at me. And if not, does it invite me in anyway? Check Matthew 11:20-28:

 ²⁰Then Jesus began to denounce the cities in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. ²¹"Woe to you, Korazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. ²²But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you. ²³And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted up to the skies? No, you will go down to the depths.^[d] If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day. ²⁴But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you."
 ²⁵At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.  ²⁷"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
 ²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

So, answers tell us that there's a striking resemblance in this passage to Jonah. Places where Jesus has done works are soaking up all the healing, but not repenting and living the Gospel. Though Gentiles, who don't know anything about Yahweh, would have responded, repented, and started living the Gospel. The "wise" in verse 25 are Jews, while the "little children" are Gentiles.

This sounds a lot like where we're at today. I come from a comfortable suburb in "Christian" America. I grew up with some Christian teachings that guided my life. When Jesus really came into my life, it was pretty sweet for a while, but now I'm in a rhythm. I was once a child, but now I'm one of the "wise and learned". Does the gospel apply to me anymore?

We are the wise. We are not the little children. The little children in America today are the LGBT community, Muslims, alcoholics, and drug addicts. People who grew up with no Jesus, or people who are deemed a threat to our "wise and learned" religion. Those are the people who are weary and burdened. Those are the Gentiles today.

But where do I fit into the gospel? The more I read the teachings of Jesus, the less I feel like he came for me. Did the gospel come for the old me, who is now dead with Christ? Now that I'm saved, do I graduate to Paul's letters to learn how to live? This is my doubt. I have doubt that Jesus' teachings apply to me now that I'm a believer. And you can find any Answer you want by reading any number of opinions by theologians.

I think the only Real Answer is left to be struggled with in the present time, and that's what makes what I have faith. I have faith that even though Jesus' words don't always apply to who I am now, he still wants me and his message still applies to me. I can't justify it not matter how hard I try, but I can't deny it either. I have faith in what I doubt.

This is what I'm about

For those of you who are unaware, the blog-o-sphere was a-buzz this week with the Save Blue Like Jazz fundraiser. Donald Miller has been planning on making a movie based on the ideas of Blue Like Jazz (the book) for a while now. He wanted to do something big and memorable - something to write a story about, because he's all about living a better story (read his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life to learn about that).

Well, a few weeks ago, one of the major sponsors of the movie dropped their support just a month before filming was supposed to start. Donald Miller announced on his blog that Blue Like Jazz, the movie, was dead. He had had a difficult enough time with all the setbacks and he was exhausted, so he figured God didn't want him to make the movie, and it was time to move on.

And then a couple guys from Tennessee decided to do something remarkable. They used kickstarter to launch a fundraising campaign to raise $125,000 in one month to save Blue Like Jazz. Not only was Donald Miller completely astounded that two random guys would do something like this, but because within 10 days they had funded the movie, and shooting will happen. Now they're shooting for $200,000 because that would make national news as the largest crowd-sourced project ever. Only about 1600 donated on average $80 a piece, and now the movie lives. The Internet is good for something after all, isn't it?

Then one of my friends texted me and asked "Why should I support this movie?" My canned answer was something like "Donald Miller is awesome and I think Blue Like Jazz isn't just another 'Christian movie'." I wasn't really satisfied with that answer myself, so I kept pondering it. Why am I not sending my 50 bucks to Africa, where it can probably do more good?

I finally realized that this is what I'm about. I was described as the "Down with the system, challenge authority" small group leader in college. If there's a perception held by the majority, a little alarm goes off inside my head saying "WRONG! WRONG!" I tend to have the exact opposite political opinion of other evangelical Christians, because I'm generally untrusting of majorities. I believe grace and mercy trump morality any day, and I don't see that in the church majority.

It's time to start doubting again so we search out the truth. It's time to be broken to pieces so we can put ourselves back together again, fresh. I seem to be part of the "Christian Underground Movement" with leaders such as Donald Miller, Rachel Held Evans, Jon Acuff, and Matthew Paul Turner. These leaders challenge us to see past the mess we've made of Christianity and focus on finding truth, even when it hurts.

I believe if there were a pivotal book that started this movement, it would be Blue Like Jazz, and if the next step is to make a movie that challenges a new audience the way the book did, I want to be part of that.

The CVA's

Welcome to the first ever Christian-Version Awards! Because apparently it's totally awesome to imitate what's actually popular in the real world in order to make a buck, I figure it's about time to start doling out awards for those who have either mastered the art or gotten lucky once. Because as Matt at The Church Of No People said: "We don’t try to come up with original thoughts that much.  We’re happy to wait until someone else comes up with an original thought, and then copy it in the name of Jesus."

And now, without further ado, the awards!

Best Imitation Acronym (BIA)

Now, if there's anything Christians like, it's Three-Letter Acronyms (Or TLA's, as I like to call them). Need more people in your NBF? Start a GIG! Four-Letter Acronyms (FLA's), though slightly rarer, are also up there, with the good ol' fashioned WWJD.

But nothing quite compares to stealing a popular secular acronym and putting a Christian spin on it. Want to start an organization that fights to educate people about intelligent design? Call it the Christian Intelligence Agency! Also, make sure to steal the real CIA's logo and put a little twist on it, like a burning bush or something.

Along those lines, I'll give a CVA out to a FLA that is, IMO the BIA.

And the winner is....

International House Of Prayer (IHOP)!!!
Not only is IHOP (the pancake one) suing the IHOP (prayer) for copyright infringement, but it also added to its acronym street-cred by having an entire page on its site devoted to translating commonly-used acronyms they use! Way to go, IHOP!

Best Ke$ha Impersonation
Considering Ke$ha's lyrics, why would Christians ever want to sound like her? Because she's popular, and it's not the sound of the music that matters, but what she says that hurts our virgin little ears oh so very much. Because of that, we NEED to have an alternative so those of us who really want to listen to catchy music like "Tik Tok" can get our fix without being in danger if the rapture were to occur during our little a-listen.

Well good news! We not only have a winner, but Air1 is even giving away a free mp3 of the winner's song along with the description "Sounds like a Christian version of "Tik Tok"!!!!

And without further ado, the winner is...

Melody Joy - Savior

Good job Melody! You successfully broke away from the Latin circuit, into the American CCM circuit like a Christian version of Shakira by making a Christian version of Tik Tok!

Best Mash-Up Potential
Mash-ups are big right now. The first instance I can think of was back in 2004 when MTV released the Jay-Z and Linkin Park crossover album "Collision Course". Basically all you do is find two songs with the same chord progression and verse structure and have your way with it. Most recently, Katy Perry and Ke$ha hired the same exact people to write the same exact song in "California Gurls" and "Tik Tok".

Well this is great news for Christian artists. This gave us the opportunity to not just imitate genres, but outright plagiarize the musical art of pop music, while just slapping on some airy Christiany/positive lyrics on the song. 

Behold, the winner:
Natalie Grant - Human


This perfect storm of imitation is so great it brings a tear to my eye. For those of you who are a bit out of sync with popular music, "Human" has perfect mash-up potential with "Battlefield" by American Idol winner Jordin Sparks. Not only that, but Jordin Sparks actually wrote "Human" for Natalie Grant! They are the exact same song but with alternate lyrics, like how Guns 'n Roses wrote alternate lyrics for "Don't Cry". The "Christian Lyrics" version of the song has a single reference to being "made in His image" and that's about all that's keeping this song off the top-40 charts. To top it off, Jordin Sparks performed the song in the above video with Natalie Grant at the 41st annual Dove Awards. It's as if Jordin Sparks just wanted to remind us all (or maybe herself) that she's still a Christian.

Well, that's it for this installment of the CVA's! Hope to see you next time.

Hey Now, You're an All-Star

Get your game on, go play.

You've just joined a band as a bassist, even though you've never played bass before. You humbly join and put some effort into keeping up with the other band members. Through a little bit of encouragement from the others and overcoming obstacles you start becoming more confident. Then one day, you look back at how far you've come and think to yourself "I've got it now. I can do anything they ask me to." You start thinking you can pluck along with Red Hot Chili Peppers, break into  improv solos, and write your own music. Soon you'll be a local favorite, and if you really want to you could go mainstream and top the Christian billboards, but you won't because only the locals deserve to be graced with your band's sweet sounds. That's just how you roll.

The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin

What's this? It seems you've stopped practicing! Are you that talented that you can just pick up where you left off and groove again with the band? But you guys haven't met in months! No church has actually asked you to come play a gig, so you ask to join your church's worship band to get your face out there, and prove that you have the skills. Church services don't really lend themselves to your mad skills that you think you have, because it's not about you, it's about God. So you blend in, can easily play along, and you don't really need to practice in order to sound good. You play with the band, which has practice twice a week, meetings once a week, and obviously you're required to attend every church event to show that you're a dedicated member. You're still playing on Sundays though and at band practice though, so at least you're maintaining your skills, right? You prove to yourself and the rest of the world that you can still play by showing up on Sundays and plucking the root to keep up with the music, playing the bare necessities to get by.

My world's on fire. How about yours?


A popular local band just lost its bass player in a horrific gasoline fight accident and is holding open auditions. You pick up your bass and start coming up with an audition riff. But who are you kidding? You never actually practiced once you gained your unwarranted confidence. You hit a plateau and figured you were good enough to do anything, when there are people who have PhD's in bass performance. Listen to Dream Theater. Can you play like that? Could you ever play that? Then when did you ever think you were good enough to play along with anything? When did you think you were good enough to stop practicing? Not only would you not improve, but you obviously got worse. Yet you still thought you could play bass.

So you have a choice. You can either continue in your mediocrity, quit altogether and stop calling yourself a bass player, or buckle down and build a practice schedule, whilst seeking private lessons (which take place at the same time as worship practice). Which do you choose?

New Mexico ...aaaand my car smells like chile peppers

Santa Fe is a pretty neat place. I checked in at my motel and drove downtown to see St. Francis of Assisi's Basilica. It's a beautiful little cathedral, but mass was going on, so I didn't get to go inside. St. Francis is probably my favorite American saint. I've always enjoyed his prayer, and I have a lot of respect for the Franciscan Order. I think some day I hope to go to a Franciscan monastery.

I wish I had more time to stay in Santa Fe, because it's got a really cool downtown area, focused almost entirely on art galleries. It would be nice to walk through the galleries, discussing the art with someone, but alas, I'm alone on this trip. I'll make a note to come back once someone wants to join me.

I headed over to Los Alamos to check out the place they built the first A-bomb. I toured the Bradbury museum and was just fascinated by the endeavor and intelligence involved in the invention of such a complex weapon. I think some day I would like to read the biography of Oppenheimer, because he just seems like a really interesting guy.

I scooted down to my er...hotel? in Truth or Consequences, which is just a weird place. I think it's just lost all touch with the world as a consequence (doh ho ho!) of never wanting to encounter reality. Every building is some hideous shade of ugly. My er.. "spa" motel (a place with a few big bathtubs) was bright pink. Not a good start, T or C. My GPS had  no clue what was going on because I'm assuming it's just not worth mapping a place like T or C. End of rant.

The only reason I stayed in Truth or Consequences is because I wanted to go to the Hatch Chile Festival (yes, they spell them "chiles"), which was about 40 miles away, but had absolutely no motels. As soon as I checked in at my "room" I drove down to Hatch. I had trouble believing I was going the right direction, but lo and behold, as I was thinking that thought, a sign on the side of the road said "Keep going! You're going the right way!" I parked at a place that was supposedly the Hatch airport and wandered around the fairgrounds trying samples of some of the most amazing salsa I've had in my life. I blew a ton of money in Hatch buying salsa, and other chile commodities. Most amazingly, I found, is that there was no actual chili at the festival, just salsa, sauce, and even chile-scented candles, but no chili. Good news, though! I bought some chiles and will soon experiment with their tasty, tasty goodness in chili. Now I'm driving around with a Ristra of chiles hanging from the coat hangar in my car, which made a park ranger girl laugh uncontrollably when I got to the Painted Desert/Petrified Forest in Arizona...but that's a story for another day.

Road Trip update 3: Colorado

Ok, so I've been in New Mexico for a few days, but I might as well have an update for every state, so here's Colorado.

In all honesty, I didn't like Colorado all that much. I found it to be like a giant Santa Cruz, without the beach. If I had been there on a weekend, I think it would have been more fun, and there would have been more night life to enjoy, but downtown Denver on a Wednesday night isn't all that fun.

I went to the Coors brewery, which was fun. It disappointed me that their best beer I got to taste was the Colorado Native, which is only sold in Colorado. At least it was an interesting tour, although kind of corny. I went from there to the New Belgium Brewery in Fort Collins, and that was okay, but not as good as some of the microbrews I like back in the bay area. I decided I was done with Colorado beer, and went to Boulder.

It's too bad I got to Boulder in the evening and had to be in New Mexico later that day, because I probably could have enjoyed some hiking trails in the Rockies. Boulder seemed like a college town, which is cool but it was a school night, so I didn't get to see much night life there either.

Maybe some day I'll head back to Colorado for some hiking, maybe even backpacking, but this trip it was sort of a bust.

Road trip update 2: Utah!

It seems like everyone's excited about Utah here. Every time I see the state's name it's Utah! with an exclamation point.

After a long drive of nothing from Ely to Salt Lake City, I settled into my hotel, which happened to be literally next to the Mormon Tabernacle. I didn't stop for lunch anywhere (because there was nowhere to stop...), so I went to explore the Gateway Mall down the street, which was pretty nice. It's an odd testament to Utah culture that there's an outdoor strip mall that's actually enclosed in a way. Sort of like Santana Row, only without a road driving through the middle.

One thing I noticed about Salt Lake City is that land must be cheap there, because they have ridiculously wide roads downtown, and parking lot sizes that would make city planners in the Bay Area groan. Another thing I felt strange about in SLC is that the Mormons really did influence a lot of things in the city. I felt a weird twinge when I learned they sponsor pretty much everything touristy in the city. Is this how other people feel when they see that Christians sponsored some sort of event? Is it bad when we tack our names onto things? I think maybe we should work on being a bit more transparent if the reason we tack our names onto things is to show how generous we are.

I wasn't feeling terribly well so I took a nap and had dinner at the hotel. Kind of sad for a day of exploring for an adventurous road trip. But I have to admit, Salt Lake City didn't interest me a ton.

The next day I took a drive through the Wasatch national forest to go for a hike, but it was next to freezing where the trails were (at ski resorts...go figure) and I wasn't prepared/dressed for that, so I just drove around admiring the beauty. Then I took a trip to Park City and hung out downtown for a bit. It's a pretty cool downtown area, with a real focus on art. I'd highly suggest it as a tourist destination. It looked like you could take a ski lift to some trails or something, but my meter was running and if I had done that I wouldn't have been back in time for dinner.

I had dinner at the Red Rock Brewing Company which I am now a huge fan of. They had a very unique amber ale.

I took off at around 9 for Moab, which was a very beautiful drive through the countryside, although there was some construction going on that frustrated my drive a bit. When I got to Moab I immediately got lunch at the Moab Brewery, which has fantastic burgers and beer. I hope to have another lunch there tomorrow. I then got myself on a Hummer off-roading tour, which was pretty bumpy but fun. I took some pictures of the beautiful Moab desert. Tomorrow morning I'm going river rafting on the Colorado River. Awesome. I tried to book a rappelling trip, but they require two people or more to go on the trip, and the season is dying down a bit.

Tomorrow I'm off to Denver!

P.S.
I apologize for not being more reflective in my updates. Other than the physical location updates, I'm mostly throwing forward random thoughts that pop into my head, rather than the deep, personal stuff I'm thinking of. Rest assured, I'm writing a lot, trying to think about my life and where God's taking it, but that's very personal to me right now and I'm just going to keep it to myself until I have more time to mull over it. One thing I will say is that I'm really enjoying the book "Finding the Will of God: A Pagan Notion?" by Bruce Waltke. It's really helping me desire a closer relationship with God.

By the way...

It's a lot easier to update Twitter than Facebook or this blog, so for live updates, follow me at www.twitter.com/bobbykritzer

Road Trip Update 1

I've safely made it to Ely, Nevada. For those of you who don't know where that is, it is in a place that by all technical definitions qualifies under "Nowhere". I'm sure all 2 of you who read this will be disappointed to find out that I forgot my camera cable for my computer, and computer doesn't have an XD card reader, so no pictures unless I feel driven to buy a new cable :(

I started the trip yesterday after work, with my destination being Shingle Spring, CA to visit Greg. We went to a Sacramento River Cats game (AAA league baseball) and got some really awesome treatment in some box seats. Free food and free beer. It was a good game! After that, Greg had an indoor soccer game, which was fun to watch as well.

I took off from Shingle Springs on 50 through the Sierra-Nevadas. That was quite possibly the most beautiful drive I've ever been on. I turned on some JJ Heller tunes to compliment my environment and cruised the whole way through, stopping to enjoy the rivers, mountain-style rest stops, and amazing views.

I stopped into Virginia City, a place I remember going to when I was a kid. It's an old silver mining town that kept its old style for the sake of tourism. It's a really fun place to walk around. I think I really enjoy the old Southwestern style of Nevada. Something about it makes me feel like a kid again, playing cowboys and Indians and getting into saloon brawls. I tried to get some Camper's Chili from the Country Cupboard, but the Country Cupboard closed down about a year ago! I was kind of heartbroken, so I went and found some food and left town.

Something I find odd about Nevada is that, although flashing lights are expected and abundant, everyone still seems to notice when an ambulance is nearby. Every car in my lane merged over to the shoulder and I had no clue what was happening because flashing lights in Nevada didn't really stand out to me.

The rest of Nevada was a whole lot of nothing. I definitely felt like I was on one of those "finding myself" road trips, though. When there's literally nothing but shrubberies covering flat or slightly hilly ground, your mind has time to drift to a plethora of subjects. Hopefully all that introspective time, listening to sermons or music - depending on my mood - will lead to some sort of epiphany. One thing that ran through my mind on my drive was "God made this." The beautiful scenery of the Sierra Nevadas and then the striking contrast of the Nevada desert really shows how amazing of an artist God is. I questioned the reason video games see fit to make their own fantasy world when it's entirely sufficient to have fascinating scenery by using the real terrain God saw fit to paint on his globe canvas.

I ran through a grand total of 5-ish towns between Virginia City and Ely, although it was well over 300 miles of driving. The small towns comfortably simple, and although similar in some regards, I could tell that each had a unique personality. For example, Austin, Nevada seems to put on a Serbian Christmas every year. I love seeing little surprises like that from little places you wouldn't expect anything from.

I'm glad I'm safely here in the hotel and rested. Today was probably my longest single day of driving, and I did it! Tomorrow I'll head to Salt Lake City!

Now That's What I'm Talking About!

I had a great feeling today as I learned that a Visual Artists Fellowship is forming at my church. Now, I'm no visual artist, but I'm really excited about this because I recently had a vision for a ministry like it! This means that my vision was shared by someone else, and that person, being more qualified than me, implemented that idea. At first I was worried that my vision was just some personal desire to see our church foster art as worship, because music is just one form of worship that only certain people identify with. I sort of wrote about that in my post The Apple Church. It was relieving to see my vision was validated as another member of my church had a similar idea.

On a related note, a Jr. High student at my church is auctioning one of his paintings for VisionTrust. Here's a thumbnail:

Higher resolution picture  is here.

That kid's got amazing potential, and I really hope someone can invest in him and disciple him to continue improving, and making art for God's glory.

Road trip countdown: 3 days!

The last two weeks have been remarkably busy. I took a day trip to San Luis Obispo for a bachelor party, and the corresponding wedding the following weekend. I started getting windows installed in my house. I had pretty much every evening busy with some sort of social gathering or hangout, and I was constantly on the move at work. I've had to get my car tuned up and smog checked. On top of that, I remember my parents realized they had some free time, and so did I, so they came over and helped me think of how I wanted to design a certain corner of my kitchen that's begging for a cupboard to be built in it.

That amount of responsibility sort of put me over the edge. But I just kept reminding myself that my road trip is coming up, and I'm shirking all of my responsibilities, being completely unproductive for two whole weeks!

I tend to only value activities that are measurably productive, but as I've been reading more about worship in For the Beauty of the Church, worship is all about non-productivity. I think God's a lot more interested in our ability to slow down and relax than He is in our ability to get things accomplished.

I read an article on Revelant Magazine about waiting on God, and the following quote really stood out to me:

Sue Monk Kidd tells a story that reflects our often mistaken viewpoint on waiting. During a retreat at a monastery, in her restless state, she notices a monk:

 "[He was] sitting perfectly still beneath a tree. There was such reverence in his silhouette, such tranquil sturdiness, that I paused to watch. He was the picture of waiting.

"Later I sought him out. 'I saw you today sitting beneath the tree—just sitting there so still. How is it that you can wait so patiently in the moment? I can't seem to get used to the idea of doing nothing.'

"He broke into a wonderful grin. 'Well, there's the problem right there, young lady. You've bought into the cultural myth that when you're waiting you're doing nothing.'

"Then he took his hands and placed them on my shoulders, peered straight into my eyes and said, 'I hope you'll hear what I'm about to tell you. I hope you'll hear it all the way down to your toes. When you're waiting, you're not doing nothing. You're doing the most important something there is. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be.'”

So my goal for the road trip is to avoid having an agenda. The only thing I care about is leaving one day and coming back by the 10th of September. All that happens in-between is reasonably planned but not terribly thought-out, and completely open for improvisation. Hopefully this trip will be what my soul needs in order to grow up.

Road trip countdown: 4 days

Every time I hear about someone's childhood, I hear about their aspirations for crazy adventures. I think my dad wanted to be an astronaut at one point. Some people would go gigging frogs (what does that actually mean?) at the lake near their house. Others would run away, hide in the woods, go camping, hiking, and generally do things that Wild at Heart talks about.

I was never one of those kids.

I distinctly remember being afraid of having to do anything alone, and not living the cushy suburban lifestyle. I just didn't have the confidence that I would be able to take care of myself. I was creative, but not resourceful. I was...suburban. I even remember when I was 6 years old I had to draw a picture of what I wanted to be when I grew up. All of my classmates wanted to be firefighters, pilots, astronauts, park rangers, unicorns, pretzels and other more outdoorsy and risky things. I wrote that I wanted to be an engineer.

Guess what? I'm an engineer! I was safely realistic about my prospects of growing up in Silicon Valley, and thus I fulfilled my dream without having to jump through hoops. I never had a real "dream" career, but I also never had any heart-wrenching moments where I realized that I'd never be able to pursue that dream. I played it safe and comfortable.

6 months ago I read Donald Miller's book Million Miles in a Thousand Years and it changed my dreams. I realized that I wasn't living a story worth telling. What's worse: I wasn't living a story worth sharing with someone. I didn't have anything to offer anyone other than security, and that's not really my job to provide.

Some people have big problems giving up their dreams and adventures and freedom and learning to live where God wants them. Some people need to learn that there is something adventurous about living in a city for a while, investing in a church community and making friends. I think I need to learn the opposite. There's a world out there, and it's worth exploring.

There's a world of hiking, beer tasting, night life, and chili festivals. A world of Utah rock formations, Colorado mountains, and New Mexico summers.

I don't want someone to "settle down" with me. I want to be living an adventure worth inviting someone on.

Distracting

Sometimes I feel like this:

Sure, the frame is kind of...elaborate, and it looks like whoever made it put a lot of work into it. But seriously, does it even compare to the masterpiece of art it contains? We are frames, vessels, clay jars. The more we try to draw attention to ourselves instead of what we contain, the more we look like fools. Nobody else is fooled by our distraction, so long as they understand the beauty of the Art we contain.

Discipline

I've realized that I pretty much only respond to important things when they

1. get totally out of hand
2. are life-threatening
3. are emailed to me as a reminder

Housework, school work (Booyah! Not anymore!!!) work-work, devotional time...everything. I pretty much need to be spoon-fed in order for anything to get accomplished.

Which is why I've decided that the best way to solve this problem is to have everything email me its needs.

 If anyone invents appliances that hook into WiFi and email you updates, I would forever be in your debt.

A couple weeks ago I was with a group discussing ways we keep a devotional time up. One person mentioned "when I feel like it...it feels more natural that way". One thing I've learned about love is that it's something you won't always feel, but the important thing is to continually choose to love someone, even when you don't feel like it. You show God that you choose to love Him by continuing your devotional time even when you're not in the mood.

But you have to figure out what works for you. I've never been able to keep a schedule. I'm just not a schedule person. I decided to go through the Bible in a year, and the only way I can keep that up is by having each day's reading sent to me via RSS feed on my Google Reader. I get to read 15-20 minutes of the Bible every day before diving into all the blogs I read. Once I'm done with this year, I plan on having a shorter, more "contemplative" reading every day instead. But for now, I'm sticking with the daily 1/365th of the Bible.

The problem is prayer time - I can read any time I'm free at my computer desk, but praying is something that needs to be done quietly, alone. I'm generally not in that situation when I'm looking at a computer, so I need to figure out how to become disciplined about that. How do you become disciplined about prayer without being a schedule person? If you're a successful pray-er and aren't a schedule person, let me know how you figured it out!

Acting responsible

People give me way more credit than I deserve. Notice that I didn't preclude that sentence with "I think that..." but stated it. Because it's a fact. A very "I'm not trying to be humble, I just don't want you to hang yourself relying on me" fact.

This thought recently passed through my mind as one of my bosses gave my current job/project description to a new team I'm interfacing with at work. It was during this quite lengthy and embellishing description that I realized the following:

1. I'm in charge of an entire project-critical subsystem
2. I'm the only one who is working alone on a subsystem
3. I'm the youngest software engineer at the company
4. I never got a promotion for this kind of responsibility!

Okay, so #4 was a little greedy of me, but everything else is true. No wonder I haven't updated this blog in a while. I've been too busy freaking out about my work responsibilities to bask in the imaginary world of exaggeration and humor called the Blogosphere.

I'm still trying to determine the reasoning behind putting me of the 20 or so other more highly experienced software developers on my project. I'm assuming nobody has been paying attention to my work ethic.

Me at work.¹

I'm not even exaggerating all that much. My only assumption right now is that people have noticed my (lack of) work ethic and proceeded to give me more responsibility because the reason I wasn't working was because I had too little to do, or I wasn't challenged enough. So, expect far fewer blog updates because my work day is no longer as unsaturated as it used to be, and I have less time to think about stuff other than work (meaning it's hard to come up with topics).

This sort of issue pervades into other areas of my life as well. Like how parents of the high schoolers at church trust me to be a good example for their kids. Parents, please understand that although I deeply care for your kids and long to see them become better people, sometimes it's impossible for me to not make that dirty joke, or point out that innuendo.

I'm fine with accepting responsibility and trying to play the role. Just know that it's a fruitless attempt at being someone who is not me. And I'm pretty good actor, liar, and face-putter-onner, so it might take you a good long while to catch on.

---

1. Got this on Google image search. Who's John?

I'm a Twit.

That's right. I got a Twitter account. You can find me at http://twitter.com/@bobbykritzer if you care.

On another note, I went to Michael's yesterday to buy some felt and sharpies in order to make a Bonanza board and a Tripoley board. I always thought Bonanza was a family game that was based off of Tripoley, but apparently it's a real game that other people play, too! Go figure.

Anyway, I went into the Michael's and I quickly realized two things: 1) I was immediately lost, and 2) I was the only guy in this store.

You know how sometimes your mom cleans/organizes your room for you and all of a sudden you have no idea where anything is? Well, that's how I feel at Michael's, thus proving my mind doesn't think like an artistic woman.

I did eventually see a few guys in the store, but they looked like they were probably art students from San Jose State. You know the kind...thin, tall with a graphic tee, unshaven with a soul patch, and a few very light tattoos.

As I wandered aimlessly through the store, I couldn't help but think of how easy it would be to "pick up chicks" (for lack of a better term) in a Michael's. Imagine the conversation (and my own outlandish assumptions of how the female mind works):

Me: (I am so freaking lost. Where the heck is the felt?)
Girl: (There's a guy walking through the aisles! And he doesn't look like an emo artist! He must be sensitive, down to earth, and creative if he's in this store!)
*BUMP*
Both: Excuse me!
Me: Sorry about that! I'm uh...I gotta be honest. I have no idea where anything is here. Do you know where the felt is?
Girl: I think so, check aisle 6....um....so what are you making?
Me: Oh, I'm building a couple of card game boards. Have you heard of Bonanza or Tripoley?
Girl: (Wow! A guy who plays board games instead of video games! I thought they were extinct! Plus, he's resourceful and economical!) No...I've never heard of those before.
Me: Oh yeah, a few of my friends have been dying to play. Hey, if you're up for it, why don't you come play with us!
Girl: Sure!
Me: Why don't I get your number....

End scene.

Thank you, imagination, for being tainted by past chick-flick horrors. This is probably how it would really go (with a more realistic assumption of the female mind):

Me:  (I am so freaking lost. Where the heck is the felt?)
Girl: (Oh look, a guy. Wow, he looks lost.)
*BUMP*
Both: Excuse me!
Me: Sorry about that! I'm uh...I gotta be honest. I have no idea where anything is here. Do you know where the felt is?
Girl: (Oh God, he's talking to me. I thought this place was safe. All I wanted was a picture frame...) Nope.
Me: Ooookay then.

End scene.

Yeah, that's more like it.

Another Anne Rice Blog Post

According to the official Christian Blogger committee, I'm required to write about Anne Rice's decision to "Quit Christianity". Whatever the heck that means.

For those of you who don't read 37 million blogs like I do, here's what Anne Rice said:

“For those who care, and I understand if you don’t: Today I quit being a Christian. I’m out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being “Christian” or to being part of Christianity. It’s simply impossible for me to “belong” to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I’m an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else. 

As I said below, I quit being a Christian. I’m out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.”

Also, for those of you who don't know Anne Rice, she wrote some pretty popular books about vampires and stuff. Like, before it was trendy. Before Twilight. Little novels like "Interview With The Vampire".

Anyway, I think a lot of us can identify with Anne Rice's decision to stop identifying with the label "Christian". Just recently, my mom told me that everyone she knows at my church is too "preachy". I asked her who she was talking about and she said "Well, you...and uh...other friends of mine at your church". She doesn't know many people at my church, and if she does she hasn't talked to them in years. Basically, I was her only example, and I've made it a point to lead by example instead of words in the past few years. Maybe my actions are preachy...I don't know. (Is that possible? If so, isn't it a good thing?) Anyway, the point is that I was stereotyped by my own mother. I was lumped into the category of "Christians I don't know anything about".

I grew up Catholic, but as soon as I was old enough I disassociated myself with Catholicism. I got to college and made a Facebook account. Under "Religion" I chose "Christian - Other" (This was back when Facebook had a limited set of religions to choose from) instead of Catholic or Christian - Protestant, or anything like that. I didn't like being called a Catholic, and I didn't like the idea that I was protesting anything. I wasn't angry at Catholicism, I just didn't agree with the "us vs. them" nature of both groups (which is ironic because "Catholic" means "Universal").

Yes. Facebook helped me choose my religion.

Now, I wish that hadn't happened. N.T. Wright, who is considered to be the modern C.S. Lewis, considers unity to be the #1 priority of the church. I'm totally with him. I understand the purpose of there being different physical church buildings and congregations, because it's a smaller community to belong to. I understand different churches having different theologies about what worship means, the balance between faith and works, and other things. But as N.T. Wright said "Nothing justifies schism." No amount of theological difference should keep us from being in community together.

A lot of people have theories about the reason we're here on earth. One reason, I believe, is to learn to live with people we don't agree with.

Because seriously, if you don't get along with people, eternity is gonna be hell.

The Apple Church

If you go to my church (and judging by Google Analytics there's about an 80% chance you do), you know that we can safely claim that we are the closest church to Apple HQ. You can see the Infinite Loop 4 and 5 over the fence of the parking lot. Obviously, we have a pretty decent population of Apple employees attending the church. Not only that, but given that we're in Silicon Valley, we're a pretty tech-savvy church.

Or at least we should be.

Not my church.

Surprisingly enough, I'd say that my church's tech-level is "on par". The website is simple, there are no flat-panel TV screens, and even the projectors are a little dull. I actually consider this a good thing. I like the fact that my church doesn't bother itself with purchasing frivolous technology so we can put on a show. But I think we can be better at using our skills.

I've been reading a book about worship lately called "For the Beauty of the Church: Casting a Vision for the Arts". It's incredible, and I'd highly recommend it. It's really helping me feel better about the purpose of worship, and what constitutes as worship. I think one of my favorite quotes from the book is "Worship cannot be explained in terms of its usefulness. It is not the realm of the useless exactly, but the incapable-of-being-expressed-as-useful." (36). This is a nightmare for engineers, since we're so utilitarian in our thinking. But I think the hardest thing for engineers like me to really come to terms with is that nothing we do for God is useful to Him, yet we still should out of an overflow of our desires to express our hearts to Him.

Art is specifically in this realm of "incapable-of-being-expressed-as-useful", as art serves no immediate purpose, and even after it's created, it usually serves a purpose completely different than was originally intended. However, I think we all know that some of the greatest artwork, architecture, and music of all time was created out of worship.

If you think about it, there's really no reason to have a lavish cathedral, decorations, or music. The most efficient church would be a giant warehouse. Structurally solid, with a decent enough sound system so everyone could hear the message. But I think the reason we have stained glass windows, decorative crosses, and beautiful music is to help us express more than our feeble human bodies can express on their own. A dull warehouse doesn't inspire awe, but kneeling before a giant cross is a great way to actively enter into relationship with God. Or, as the book lists: "Praising, confessing, lamenting, thanking, being convicted, being inspired, being comforted." (55). Those actions are the end-goal of worship. The purpose of a powerful message, a beautiful song, or artistic interpretation of a scene or emotion, is to help you enter into that goal, whatever you heart needs to do in response to God.

What does this have to do with having a bunch of tech-savvy Apple employees attending my church? I believe that as Christians we should be inspired to be on the cutting edge of technological development that encourages people to enter into worship. Apple is the cutting edge of basic technological development. I don't see why the same people who come up with the next awesome yet unnecessary product aren't using that same creativity to worship God. But please, let's not make a Christian version of the iPad.

Michelangelo's "David" was not a Christian version of a sculpture.

It was form and beauty.

The Sistine Chapel's ceiling was not a Christian version of a mural.

It was art and expression.

Is software engineering able to be as artistic and creative as architectural engineering?

Is it possible to make a technological masterpiece?

Anonymity

There's a big brouhaha going on right now because some 11 year old girl posted a Youtube video cussing out some online bullies. I haven't seen it, but apparently it was pathetic enough to get the a certain anonymous online community united against this girl. In a few short hours they found the girl's full name, address, and home phone number and basically made her life (and her parents' lives) miserable. Sometimes I wonder what I'm passionate about, and since I spend a lot of time on the Internet, this is the kind of thing that gets me up-in-arms. Stories like these bring up the question: "Is anonymity on the Internet a good thing?"

Read any discussion online about the legality of anonymity and you'll learn that anyone who regularly docks at  public forums such as Digg are entirely pro-anonymity. They're also "experts" on every subject under the sun (especially law), and incredibly opinionated. Cracked.com recently ran an article about anonymity that, although it's a humor site, was pretty accurate.

In my opinion, there are 4 types of people: People with something to hide, paranoids, people who don't have anything to hide, and people who don't have anything to hide but are sympathetic toward people who do have something to hide.

I figure people who have something to hide really like the anonymity of the Internet. Other than people who do blatantly illegal things, or just socially shunned-upon things, there are also people who think they need the anonymity to be cool. You know...like people who think being an anonymous avatar in a forum turns you from this guy:

Into this guy:

Bad news, guys. Since everyone else is the first guy but thinks they're the second guy, they automatically treat everyone the same way the cool kids treated the nerds in high school. Now that they think they have superiority over everyone else online, they're making up for decades of being picked on by treating everyone else like garbage. Since you can't punch anyone in the face on the Internet (I'm looking at you, Google!), all that matters in order to dominate your peers is intelligence and the ability to argue a point (and use proper grammar while doing it). The Internet is basically an anonymous playground for all the social outcasts to be somebody, and it's effectively built a generation of arrogant intellectual jerks.

I heard an interview with Tenth Avenue North on the radio about their song "Healing Begins". They said something along the lines of "I've always felt like the best thing that could ever happen to someone is if all their past mistakes were broadcast on the 5:00 news. Then they'd have nothing to hide."

There's a lot to hide about on the Internet. I'm not saying that we should publish every site everyone goes to and profile every person, but it would be nice to track down cyberbullies that cause people to commit suicide, destroy peoples' lives, or post disgusting things because they know there will be no repercussions.

A Youth Group Leader's Lament: Group Orders

Recently, Jon Acuff at www.stuffchristianslike.net posted about youth ministers. In it, he said

I think youth ministers have a lifespan that is eight years shorter than the general population due to all the ghetto orange drink and pizza they are forced to consume. And it’s always the kind of pizza where you can’t tell if you’re eating a piece or have just started biting the box. The pizza is thin, covered with a sandpaper like layer of cheese, and crafted with crusts that could kill a man like an aborigine boomerang

It's true. Pizza is the go-to dinner and lunch of choice for all youth-esque group activities. This includes k-5, Jr. High, High School, and College. My theory is that pizza is popular, not because it's every kid's favorite food, but because it's so easy to organize.

Got 20 kids that need to cram down a meal before the <insert church event here> this evening? Call ahead, order 5 large pizzas (make sure to add 1 cheese in case there's the rare Christian Vegetarian in the group), and when the kids arrive they can shuffle in, eat, and get out faster than a S.W.A.T team.

It's the weekend before the mission trip, and we're behind schedule learning our skits! Let all the kids know that although prep is from 9-3 on Saturday, lunch will be provided! What? Chipotle caters? So does Togo's? Too bad! Pizza allows me to do the one thing I like most: not think!

Personally, I'd prefer a ban on pizza. Ever since college, I've sort of lost my appetite for it. In college pizza was convenient. If I had leftovers, I'd have breakfast! Now, I feel like given my status in life, I can safely get by with putting a little more effort into my meals, and sacrificing a bit of my time to eat something that's composed of less than 50% grease.

If businesses want to get in on the rushed youth group market, my suggestion would be for them to develop a group-order menu item. One pizza can be shared by 4 people (or two high school boys, if you're lucky), and you can order a variety so nobody complains. If we can find a way to make, say, burritos the same way, or burgers, or sandwiches, or whatever, I'd switch immediately. I'm looking at you, Chipotle! Invest in some over-sized tortillas! Give us burritos by the slice!

I need a planner!!!

In school, I was never able to keep a planner. In fact, I think if there were a class that required me to use a planner, I would have failed that class. It was harder for me to remember to put things in a planner than it was for me to remember the homework assignments in my head. Now, I think I'm finally giving in. I'm freaking out with how busy I am, and whenever somebody asks me to hang out, my mind immediately says "NOO!!!!!! Too busy!!!!". If I had a planner, I could apply logic to override my brain's immediate reaction. I think if I were to keep it, I would nickname it "my agent" so when someone asks me if I had time to hang out or something I'd be able to say "Let me check with my agent." Sweet.

If I were to keep a planner, maybe I'd be able to do some analysis on how burnt-out I am after a given number of commitments. I'd also be able to see how how much free time I need to schedule every day to keep me sane. Then I'd be able to prune down my life and come up with a nice balance that would allow me to have enough time for me, my friends, and God.

Or maybe it would just be a wasted effort. Let's find out!

Things I Learned by Liking Pop Music

If you knew anything about me in high school and most of college, you'll know that I despised pop music. Or more importantly, any kind of music that other people had heard of. I used to pride myself on listening to bands nobody had even heard of. I was a total music snob. Then, I would introduce my friends to a band and we'd share some sort of inside musical friendship since we were the only two people we knew who listened to that band. At least, that was the way I dreamed it would turn out if my friends had actually become fans the music I shared with them.

I understand that it's important to have a little uniqueness in your repertoire - something that you enjoy because it's music that you really resonate with, and it really doesn't matter if other people like it or not. That's kind of how I feel about the band Downhere. Other people tend to like them, but not enough to buy their CDs. I pre-order every one of their albums. But I've changed now, because I haven't filled my entire collection with bands nobody has heard of.

So, here are my arguments for opening up and just smelling the roses of pop music:

High school dances were boring because I "hated" the music

Back when I started high school (a decade ago...whoah), I used to go to dances with the hopes of making purple with one of the five girls I was interested in at any given moment. This never happened because it turns out that God plays a cruel joke on high school boys when they turn 14, and they lose all confidence in themselves*. So, apart from the one time I had a "girlfriend" at a high school dance, I spent the entire time whining about the crappy music. Secretly I just didn't like it because I didn't know it and everyone else did. While I was standing in the corner wishing that corner was darker and filled with any combination of the 5 or so girls I was gunning for at the time, my friends were having fun without me, singing along with songs I had never heard before and dancing the dance to that song that you would know after having watched the music video on MTV 37 times (this was back when MTV still played music videos!).

Basically, I just didn't like dances because I didn't know the music. The music was actually fun and entertaining, but I didn't like it because everyone was having more fun than me.

*I no longer fault God for this, because it was for my own good.
Steps

I didn't listen to any of those pop groups like Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, O-town, 98 Degrees, or whatever the heck else is equivalent to them...in America. I supplemented by finding similar groups that nobody had heard of because they were from other countries. Yes, for a while I listened to Steps - the result of Britain's version of "Making the Band". Admittedly, I liked it because I thought the female singers were attractive, and I was jealous of the male singers. Plus I was into all that drama stuff and I had just seen Mamma Mia! and Steps did an ABBA medley.

I realize how ridiculous this is. I hated American pop music, but I secretly enjoyed the exact same music because other people didn't listen to it and it wasn't overplayed.

Relevance

Maybe this is a cop-out reason, but I work with highschoolers. Now that I'm more open to popular musical stylings, 2 hour car rides to King City are not just tolerable, but fun! Sure, the song is about brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack, and it probably doesn't teach good messages to high school girls (or boys, I guess), but it's common ground on which to start a relationship.

I learned that in order to build bridges in this world, you need to accept things that other people may deem important if you want to have meaningful relationships with them. I found that the more frivolous things I rejected in life, the more people I rejected with them. Now, the more things I accept, whether they're meaningful or not, the more people I can identify with and build friendships with. Common ground starts relationships, so why reject things people like and miss out on potential relationships?

As Paul says in 1 Cor 9:24b - "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some."

What defines you that you hold onto, even if it might alienate people?

Blog of the Week

As a participating member in this vast ocean we call the Blogosphere, I enjoy docking my ship at the ports of other, more talented and popular bloggers. I notice a lot of bloggers write a "Favorite blogs of the week" post of Fridays. But when I run across something in the scurvy seas that really makes me think, or laugh, I'll not only share it with you here, but write a commentary.

This week, I've looked forward to tying up at the dock of Donald Miller's Blog. I think Donald Miller is the perfect blogger, because his books are so personable and candid, he already has that style that makes his readers feel like they're his close friends. He's like a modern-day C.S. Lewis. He even has the same ability to write stories that seem to just simply be stories, but are actually allegories that help us understand God.

This week, Donald has given his dog, Lucy, the reigns of his blog, which basically means Donald is writing his conjecture of what Lucy would say about different times in her life. At first, I didn't like it because it wasn't as personable and I didn't get to hear Donald's insight into life. Then I noticed that Don was painting a portrait of ourselves.

In the blog, Lucy talks about being born into a scary world and how big everything seemed. The room she was born in was the entire world until Donald came along and chose her. Donald took her with him and opened up her world. She describes the feeling of being brought out into a big world and getting to know Don, and wanting to be with him all the time because he's all she has. Then she talks about how scary it is to start making mistakes, like digging up pots and peeing on the carpet, and then being thrown outside. She even talks about self-image, and how simple that is for a dog, and how difficult it seems to be for humans.

I can't really do it justice, so go read the stories for yourself. I think Don hit on something with his ability to put himself in Lucy's, er, paws. He was able to think of himself as something smaller than a human, with fewer ambitions and a limited understanding of the world. It sort of helped me understand my place compared to God. I also learned that in order to write about something you can't understand, you need to find a perspective that isn't your own and see where that takes you.

Things I Like: Lakes

If there's any water-based feature of Northern California I like most, it's lakes. Lakes trump beaches in NorCal because they're actually tolerable. Somehow, snow runoff is warmer than NorCal ocean water. Don't ask me how this is possible.

A great thing about our lakes is that they are quite tame in the bug department, compared to other states and their lakes. When I go to a lake in California, I don't worry about having to fight a mosquito with a baseball bat, and then cleaning up the remains with a shovel.

Also, we have weather like this:

Pretty much all the time during the summer.

Finally, at a lake you can go waterskiing and wakeboarding. I know that's possible at a beach, but it's not nearly as fun with the choppy waves.

All in all, if you were to offer me the choice between a lake house and a beach house in Northern California, I would choose the lake house hands-down. Now, if we were in Southern California, it would be a bit more difficult of a decision.

An Adventure! Don Pedro Lake

Whenever I go on adventures, my goal is to write about them, and thus prove to myself that my life isn't nearly as boring as I think. This generally involves me actually taking my camera with me, which is something I need to practice more. This weekend I went to Don Pedro Lake with the college group for some awesome waterskiing. Lucky for me, other more practiced camera-bringer-alongers went on this adventure with me, so I stole pictures from Facebook to make up for my lack of camera usage.

First, I have to say that this was my first time driving in a real, multiple-hour-long caravan. I also got to bring up the rear The rear position, though not the leader the most heroic position. I was the protector of the middle cars in the caravan. If a car ever disappeared in traffic, my goal was to find it. I would let it know that even though we can't see the caravan anymore, at least you're not alone in your lostness. It also happens to be the best position from which to pelt the other cars in the caravan with biodegradable water balloons. Take that, Ranger Rick.

We got to the lake at around 2:00 on Friday, and got in a boat as fast as possible. After some wakeboarding and tubing, we broke the boat. I think the rudder was about to fall off or something. We idled to a shallow area and held the boat in place as the owner, Chad, worked on it, trying to find a way to make sure the rudder didn't make a break for it to go hang out with the crawdads.

We headed to camp after that, and had a great time of eating and hanging out, followed by some worship and testimonies. Then we slept under the stars. There were a ton, which is awesome because I think the only thing I can see from San Jose is Orion's Belt and the Big Dipper.



The next morning we went out on some jet skis, then the boat again (which now had a much happier rudder) and I got to give slalom skiing a shot. I ate it. A lot. I got up a lot, but couldn't control it. I think I learned more about diving into the water at 30 mph than I did about controlling the slalom ski, but it was still a ton of fun. Then Chad treated his boat like a jet ski and tossed us around until the deck on the back broke. We pulled it off and headed for the patio boat as Chad took the boat in for repairs.

After some food, more jet skiing, and swimming, we were about ready to head in for the day. We tried to pull up the anchor, and then we tried again. And again and again. It was stuck on something, so we maneuvered the boat until we were afraid something would break. Then one guy realized that he could actually move the anchor rope a little bit. So we all helped him and:

Something must be wrong with the sun, because I look really pale.

Yes, we pulled up a tree. Freakin' sweet, I'd say. Turns out the lake rose 75 feet over the past year because of extra rain, and trees that were on land last year were at the bottom of the lake, ready to grab hold of any anchor who dared to drop near them. After feeling totally awesome about ourselves, we headed back to the marina, where our boat died and we had to be pushed to the dock by the people who run the marina.

So, all-in-all, a successful Saturday!

We went to the camp again for another night of food, hanging out, stories and worship.

Sunday morning, we went out on the lake again, but I was badly sunburned so I didn't want to do too much. While we were waiting for a boat to come to shore, a couple strangers came by and asked if anyone would like to come with them in their boat, since they need at least 3 people to waterski legally. I wasn't paying attention and assumed it was one of our boat drivers so I agreed to go along, and asked Tracey if she wanted to come, too. Only then did I realize I had no idea who these people were and I was setting us up for a situation that may result in our faces being put on the back of a milk carton.


But they had a puppy named Cha-cha, so it would have been worth it.

I was constantly scouring the boat for something to use as a weapon in case the couple we were with decided to murder us. In the end, there was no death involved that we know of.


Johnny the Frog may never have made it all the way to shore, however.

We actually had a great time just sitting in the boat with the wind blowing in our faces as we took a tour around parts of the lake we had never been to. It was a beautiful end to an amazing weekend.

Most photos courtesy of Stephen Lee