Road trip update 2: Utah!

It seems like everyone's excited about Utah here. Every time I see the state's name it's Utah! with an exclamation point.

After a long drive of nothing from Ely to Salt Lake City, I settled into my hotel, which happened to be literally next to the Mormon Tabernacle. I didn't stop for lunch anywhere (because there was nowhere to stop...), so I went to explore the Gateway Mall down the street, which was pretty nice. It's an odd testament to Utah culture that there's an outdoor strip mall that's actually enclosed in a way. Sort of like Santana Row, only without a road driving through the middle.

One thing I noticed about Salt Lake City is that land must be cheap there, because they have ridiculously wide roads downtown, and parking lot sizes that would make city planners in the Bay Area groan. Another thing I felt strange about in SLC is that the Mormons really did influence a lot of things in the city. I felt a weird twinge when I learned they sponsor pretty much everything touristy in the city. Is this how other people feel when they see that Christians sponsored some sort of event? Is it bad when we tack our names onto things? I think maybe we should work on being a bit more transparent if the reason we tack our names onto things is to show how generous we are.

I wasn't feeling terribly well so I took a nap and had dinner at the hotel. Kind of sad for a day of exploring for an adventurous road trip. But I have to admit, Salt Lake City didn't interest me a ton.

The next day I took a drive through the Wasatch national forest to go for a hike, but it was next to freezing where the trails were (at ski resorts...go figure) and I wasn't prepared/dressed for that, so I just drove around admiring the beauty. Then I took a trip to Park City and hung out downtown for a bit. It's a pretty cool downtown area, with a real focus on art. I'd highly suggest it as a tourist destination. It looked like you could take a ski lift to some trails or something, but my meter was running and if I had done that I wouldn't have been back in time for dinner.

I had dinner at the Red Rock Brewing Company which I am now a huge fan of. They had a very unique amber ale.

I took off at around 9 for Moab, which was a very beautiful drive through the countryside, although there was some construction going on that frustrated my drive a bit. When I got to Moab I immediately got lunch at the Moab Brewery, which has fantastic burgers and beer. I hope to have another lunch there tomorrow. I then got myself on a Hummer off-roading tour, which was pretty bumpy but fun. I took some pictures of the beautiful Moab desert. Tomorrow morning I'm going river rafting on the Colorado River. Awesome. I tried to book a rappelling trip, but they require two people or more to go on the trip, and the season is dying down a bit.

Tomorrow I'm off to Denver!

P.S.
I apologize for not being more reflective in my updates. Other than the physical location updates, I'm mostly throwing forward random thoughts that pop into my head, rather than the deep, personal stuff I'm thinking of. Rest assured, I'm writing a lot, trying to think about my life and where God's taking it, but that's very personal to me right now and I'm just going to keep it to myself until I have more time to mull over it. One thing I will say is that I'm really enjoying the book "Finding the Will of God: A Pagan Notion?" by Bruce Waltke. It's really helping me desire a closer relationship with God.

By the way...

It's a lot easier to update Twitter than Facebook or this blog, so for live updates, follow me at www.twitter.com/bobbykritzer

Road Trip Update 1

I've safely made it to Ely, Nevada. For those of you who don't know where that is, it is in a place that by all technical definitions qualifies under "Nowhere". I'm sure all 2 of you who read this will be disappointed to find out that I forgot my camera cable for my computer, and computer doesn't have an XD card reader, so no pictures unless I feel driven to buy a new cable :(

I started the trip yesterday after work, with my destination being Shingle Spring, CA to visit Greg. We went to a Sacramento River Cats game (AAA league baseball) and got some really awesome treatment in some box seats. Free food and free beer. It was a good game! After that, Greg had an indoor soccer game, which was fun to watch as well.

I took off from Shingle Springs on 50 through the Sierra-Nevadas. That was quite possibly the most beautiful drive I've ever been on. I turned on some JJ Heller tunes to compliment my environment and cruised the whole way through, stopping to enjoy the rivers, mountain-style rest stops, and amazing views.

I stopped into Virginia City, a place I remember going to when I was a kid. It's an old silver mining town that kept its old style for the sake of tourism. It's a really fun place to walk around. I think I really enjoy the old Southwestern style of Nevada. Something about it makes me feel like a kid again, playing cowboys and Indians and getting into saloon brawls. I tried to get some Camper's Chili from the Country Cupboard, but the Country Cupboard closed down about a year ago! I was kind of heartbroken, so I went and found some food and left town.

Something I find odd about Nevada is that, although flashing lights are expected and abundant, everyone still seems to notice when an ambulance is nearby. Every car in my lane merged over to the shoulder and I had no clue what was happening because flashing lights in Nevada didn't really stand out to me.

The rest of Nevada was a whole lot of nothing. I definitely felt like I was on one of those "finding myself" road trips, though. When there's literally nothing but shrubberies covering flat or slightly hilly ground, your mind has time to drift to a plethora of subjects. Hopefully all that introspective time, listening to sermons or music - depending on my mood - will lead to some sort of epiphany. One thing that ran through my mind on my drive was "God made this." The beautiful scenery of the Sierra Nevadas and then the striking contrast of the Nevada desert really shows how amazing of an artist God is. I questioned the reason video games see fit to make their own fantasy world when it's entirely sufficient to have fascinating scenery by using the real terrain God saw fit to paint on his globe canvas.

I ran through a grand total of 5-ish towns between Virginia City and Ely, although it was well over 300 miles of driving. The small towns comfortably simple, and although similar in some regards, I could tell that each had a unique personality. For example, Austin, Nevada seems to put on a Serbian Christmas every year. I love seeing little surprises like that from little places you wouldn't expect anything from.

I'm glad I'm safely here in the hotel and rested. Today was probably my longest single day of driving, and I did it! Tomorrow I'll head to Salt Lake City!

Now That's What I'm Talking About!

I had a great feeling today as I learned that a Visual Artists Fellowship is forming at my church. Now, I'm no visual artist, but I'm really excited about this because I recently had a vision for a ministry like it! This means that my vision was shared by someone else, and that person, being more qualified than me, implemented that idea. At first I was worried that my vision was just some personal desire to see our church foster art as worship, because music is just one form of worship that only certain people identify with. I sort of wrote about that in my post The Apple Church. It was relieving to see my vision was validated as another member of my church had a similar idea.

On a related note, a Jr. High student at my church is auctioning one of his paintings for VisionTrust. Here's a thumbnail:

Higher resolution picture  is here.

That kid's got amazing potential, and I really hope someone can invest in him and disciple him to continue improving, and making art for God's glory.

Road trip countdown: 3 days!

The last two weeks have been remarkably busy. I took a day trip to San Luis Obispo for a bachelor party, and the corresponding wedding the following weekend. I started getting windows installed in my house. I had pretty much every evening busy with some sort of social gathering or hangout, and I was constantly on the move at work. I've had to get my car tuned up and smog checked. On top of that, I remember my parents realized they had some free time, and so did I, so they came over and helped me think of how I wanted to design a certain corner of my kitchen that's begging for a cupboard to be built in it.

That amount of responsibility sort of put me over the edge. But I just kept reminding myself that my road trip is coming up, and I'm shirking all of my responsibilities, being completely unproductive for two whole weeks!

I tend to only value activities that are measurably productive, but as I've been reading more about worship in For the Beauty of the Church, worship is all about non-productivity. I think God's a lot more interested in our ability to slow down and relax than He is in our ability to get things accomplished.

I read an article on Revelant Magazine about waiting on God, and the following quote really stood out to me:

Sue Monk Kidd tells a story that reflects our often mistaken viewpoint on waiting. During a retreat at a monastery, in her restless state, she notices a monk:

 "[He was] sitting perfectly still beneath a tree. There was such reverence in his silhouette, such tranquil sturdiness, that I paused to watch. He was the picture of waiting.

"Later I sought him out. 'I saw you today sitting beneath the tree—just sitting there so still. How is it that you can wait so patiently in the moment? I can't seem to get used to the idea of doing nothing.'

"He broke into a wonderful grin. 'Well, there's the problem right there, young lady. You've bought into the cultural myth that when you're waiting you're doing nothing.'

"Then he took his hands and placed them on my shoulders, peered straight into my eyes and said, 'I hope you'll hear what I'm about to tell you. I hope you'll hear it all the way down to your toes. When you're waiting, you're not doing nothing. You're doing the most important something there is. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be.'”

So my goal for the road trip is to avoid having an agenda. The only thing I care about is leaving one day and coming back by the 10th of September. All that happens in-between is reasonably planned but not terribly thought-out, and completely open for improvisation. Hopefully this trip will be what my soul needs in order to grow up.

Road trip countdown: 4 days

Every time I hear about someone's childhood, I hear about their aspirations for crazy adventures. I think my dad wanted to be an astronaut at one point. Some people would go gigging frogs (what does that actually mean?) at the lake near their house. Others would run away, hide in the woods, go camping, hiking, and generally do things that Wild at Heart talks about.

I was never one of those kids.

I distinctly remember being afraid of having to do anything alone, and not living the cushy suburban lifestyle. I just didn't have the confidence that I would be able to take care of myself. I was creative, but not resourceful. I was...suburban. I even remember when I was 6 years old I had to draw a picture of what I wanted to be when I grew up. All of my classmates wanted to be firefighters, pilots, astronauts, park rangers, unicorns, pretzels and other more outdoorsy and risky things. I wrote that I wanted to be an engineer.

Guess what? I'm an engineer! I was safely realistic about my prospects of growing up in Silicon Valley, and thus I fulfilled my dream without having to jump through hoops. I never had a real "dream" career, but I also never had any heart-wrenching moments where I realized that I'd never be able to pursue that dream. I played it safe and comfortable.

6 months ago I read Donald Miller's book Million Miles in a Thousand Years and it changed my dreams. I realized that I wasn't living a story worth telling. What's worse: I wasn't living a story worth sharing with someone. I didn't have anything to offer anyone other than security, and that's not really my job to provide.

Some people have big problems giving up their dreams and adventures and freedom and learning to live where God wants them. Some people need to learn that there is something adventurous about living in a city for a while, investing in a church community and making friends. I think I need to learn the opposite. There's a world out there, and it's worth exploring.

There's a world of hiking, beer tasting, night life, and chili festivals. A world of Utah rock formations, Colorado mountains, and New Mexico summers.

I don't want someone to "settle down" with me. I want to be living an adventure worth inviting someone on.

Distracting

Sometimes I feel like this:

Sure, the frame is kind of...elaborate, and it looks like whoever made it put a lot of work into it. But seriously, does it even compare to the masterpiece of art it contains? We are frames, vessels, clay jars. The more we try to draw attention to ourselves instead of what we contain, the more we look like fools. Nobody else is fooled by our distraction, so long as they understand the beauty of the Art we contain.

Discipline

I've realized that I pretty much only respond to important things when they

1. get totally out of hand
2. are life-threatening
3. are emailed to me as a reminder

Housework, school work (Booyah! Not anymore!!!) work-work, devotional time...everything. I pretty much need to be spoon-fed in order for anything to get accomplished.

Which is why I've decided that the best way to solve this problem is to have everything email me its needs.

 If anyone invents appliances that hook into WiFi and email you updates, I would forever be in your debt.

A couple weeks ago I was with a group discussing ways we keep a devotional time up. One person mentioned "when I feel like it...it feels more natural that way". One thing I've learned about love is that it's something you won't always feel, but the important thing is to continually choose to love someone, even when you don't feel like it. You show God that you choose to love Him by continuing your devotional time even when you're not in the mood.

But you have to figure out what works for you. I've never been able to keep a schedule. I'm just not a schedule person. I decided to go through the Bible in a year, and the only way I can keep that up is by having each day's reading sent to me via RSS feed on my Google Reader. I get to read 15-20 minutes of the Bible every day before diving into all the blogs I read. Once I'm done with this year, I plan on having a shorter, more "contemplative" reading every day instead. But for now, I'm sticking with the daily 1/365th of the Bible.

The problem is prayer time - I can read any time I'm free at my computer desk, but praying is something that needs to be done quietly, alone. I'm generally not in that situation when I'm looking at a computer, so I need to figure out how to become disciplined about that. How do you become disciplined about prayer without being a schedule person? If you're a successful pray-er and aren't a schedule person, let me know how you figured it out!

Acting responsible

People give me way more credit than I deserve. Notice that I didn't preclude that sentence with "I think that..." but stated it. Because it's a fact. A very "I'm not trying to be humble, I just don't want you to hang yourself relying on me" fact.

This thought recently passed through my mind as one of my bosses gave my current job/project description to a new team I'm interfacing with at work. It was during this quite lengthy and embellishing description that I realized the following:

1. I'm in charge of an entire project-critical subsystem
2. I'm the only one who is working alone on a subsystem
3. I'm the youngest software engineer at the company
4. I never got a promotion for this kind of responsibility!

Okay, so #4 was a little greedy of me, but everything else is true. No wonder I haven't updated this blog in a while. I've been too busy freaking out about my work responsibilities to bask in the imaginary world of exaggeration and humor called the Blogosphere.

I'm still trying to determine the reasoning behind putting me of the 20 or so other more highly experienced software developers on my project. I'm assuming nobody has been paying attention to my work ethic.

Me at work.¹

I'm not even exaggerating all that much. My only assumption right now is that people have noticed my (lack of) work ethic and proceeded to give me more responsibility because the reason I wasn't working was because I had too little to do, or I wasn't challenged enough. So, expect far fewer blog updates because my work day is no longer as unsaturated as it used to be, and I have less time to think about stuff other than work (meaning it's hard to come up with topics).

This sort of issue pervades into other areas of my life as well. Like how parents of the high schoolers at church trust me to be a good example for their kids. Parents, please understand that although I deeply care for your kids and long to see them become better people, sometimes it's impossible for me to not make that dirty joke, or point out that innuendo.

I'm fine with accepting responsibility and trying to play the role. Just know that it's a fruitless attempt at being someone who is not me. And I'm pretty good actor, liar, and face-putter-onner, so it might take you a good long while to catch on.

---

1. Got this on Google image search. Who's John?

I'm a Twit.

That's right. I got a Twitter account. You can find me at http://twitter.com/@bobbykritzer if you care.

On another note, I went to Michael's yesterday to buy some felt and sharpies in order to make a Bonanza board and a Tripoley board. I always thought Bonanza was a family game that was based off of Tripoley, but apparently it's a real game that other people play, too! Go figure.

Anyway, I went into the Michael's and I quickly realized two things: 1) I was immediately lost, and 2) I was the only guy in this store.

You know how sometimes your mom cleans/organizes your room for you and all of a sudden you have no idea where anything is? Well, that's how I feel at Michael's, thus proving my mind doesn't think like an artistic woman.

I did eventually see a few guys in the store, but they looked like they were probably art students from San Jose State. You know the kind...thin, tall with a graphic tee, unshaven with a soul patch, and a few very light tattoos.

As I wandered aimlessly through the store, I couldn't help but think of how easy it would be to "pick up chicks" (for lack of a better term) in a Michael's. Imagine the conversation (and my own outlandish assumptions of how the female mind works):

Me: (I am so freaking lost. Where the heck is the felt?)
Girl: (There's a guy walking through the aisles! And he doesn't look like an emo artist! He must be sensitive, down to earth, and creative if he's in this store!)
*BUMP*
Both: Excuse me!
Me: Sorry about that! I'm uh...I gotta be honest. I have no idea where anything is here. Do you know where the felt is?
Girl: I think so, check aisle 6....um....so what are you making?
Me: Oh, I'm building a couple of card game boards. Have you heard of Bonanza or Tripoley?
Girl: (Wow! A guy who plays board games instead of video games! I thought they were extinct! Plus, he's resourceful and economical!) No...I've never heard of those before.
Me: Oh yeah, a few of my friends have been dying to play. Hey, if you're up for it, why don't you come play with us!
Girl: Sure!
Me: Why don't I get your number....

End scene.

Thank you, imagination, for being tainted by past chick-flick horrors. This is probably how it would really go (with a more realistic assumption of the female mind):

Me:  (I am so freaking lost. Where the heck is the felt?)
Girl: (Oh look, a guy. Wow, he looks lost.)
*BUMP*
Both: Excuse me!
Me: Sorry about that! I'm uh...I gotta be honest. I have no idea where anything is here. Do you know where the felt is?
Girl: (Oh God, he's talking to me. I thought this place was safe. All I wanted was a picture frame...) Nope.
Me: Ooookay then.

End scene.

Yeah, that's more like it.

Another Anne Rice Blog Post

According to the official Christian Blogger committee, I'm required to write about Anne Rice's decision to "Quit Christianity". Whatever the heck that means.

For those of you who don't read 37 million blogs like I do, here's what Anne Rice said:

“For those who care, and I understand if you don’t: Today I quit being a Christian. I’m out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being “Christian” or to being part of Christianity. It’s simply impossible for me to “belong” to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I’m an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else. 

As I said below, I quit being a Christian. I’m out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.”

Also, for those of you who don't know Anne Rice, she wrote some pretty popular books about vampires and stuff. Like, before it was trendy. Before Twilight. Little novels like "Interview With The Vampire".

Anyway, I think a lot of us can identify with Anne Rice's decision to stop identifying with the label "Christian". Just recently, my mom told me that everyone she knows at my church is too "preachy". I asked her who she was talking about and she said "Well, you...and uh...other friends of mine at your church". She doesn't know many people at my church, and if she does she hasn't talked to them in years. Basically, I was her only example, and I've made it a point to lead by example instead of words in the past few years. Maybe my actions are preachy...I don't know. (Is that possible? If so, isn't it a good thing?) Anyway, the point is that I was stereotyped by my own mother. I was lumped into the category of "Christians I don't know anything about".

I grew up Catholic, but as soon as I was old enough I disassociated myself with Catholicism. I got to college and made a Facebook account. Under "Religion" I chose "Christian - Other" (This was back when Facebook had a limited set of religions to choose from) instead of Catholic or Christian - Protestant, or anything like that. I didn't like being called a Catholic, and I didn't like the idea that I was protesting anything. I wasn't angry at Catholicism, I just didn't agree with the "us vs. them" nature of both groups (which is ironic because "Catholic" means "Universal").

Yes. Facebook helped me choose my religion.

Now, I wish that hadn't happened. N.T. Wright, who is considered to be the modern C.S. Lewis, considers unity to be the #1 priority of the church. I'm totally with him. I understand the purpose of there being different physical church buildings and congregations, because it's a smaller community to belong to. I understand different churches having different theologies about what worship means, the balance between faith and works, and other things. But as N.T. Wright said "Nothing justifies schism." No amount of theological difference should keep us from being in community together.

A lot of people have theories about the reason we're here on earth. One reason, I believe, is to learn to live with people we don't agree with.

Because seriously, if you don't get along with people, eternity is gonna be hell.