My Doubt

Over at Jason Boyett's blog, he's doing a series on doubt. He's allowing bloggers and authors much more talented than me to explain how they doubt their faith, why they doubt, and why that's completely okay.

I believe there's a difference between having "The Answers" and having answers. A person that has "The Answers" can be annoying. They mindlessly regurgitate quotes from scholars that have helped them justify their faith in the past. But the truth is that these days if you want to justify your faith, all you have to do is look hard enough and you'll find a well-known scholar who shares your opinion. All of these people are considered "godly" men or women, with degrees in philosophy, divinity, history, sociology, psychology, or any other number of subjects that give them the "Christian street cred". Want to make your faith political? Saturate your study with Al Mohler, or if you're a liberal read Jim Wallis. I believe there's a theology war going on right now between John Piper and Rick Warren. Both of these men preach a biblical messages, but they can have radically different views when it comes to "The Answers".

On the other hand, having answers is something I believe everyone should have. Understanding biblical culture, history, and geography really help bring out the Gospel message. We're reading Ruth in the 20s group at church, and it's hard to resonate with the magnitude of the story unless you have a good understanding that Ruth was A) a foreigner that Israel wasn't supposed to associate with, and B) a woman who. Unless you understand that women were considered scum in biblical times, it's pretty hard to get the real message in Ruth. I believe everyone should constantly seek out these answers, so they can interpret the Bible better.

But what happens when you run across something that makes you doubt, and neither answers or The Answers help you? I've been reading Matthew lately, and it's been making me question whether the Gospel is targeted at me. And if not, does it invite me in anyway? Check Matthew 11:20-28:

 ²⁰Then Jesus began to denounce the cities in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. ²¹"Woe to you, Korazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. ²²But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you. ²³And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted up to the skies? No, you will go down to the depths.^[d] If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day. ²⁴But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you."
 ²⁵At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.  ²⁷"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
 ²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

So, answers tell us that there's a striking resemblance in this passage to Jonah. Places where Jesus has done works are soaking up all the healing, but not repenting and living the Gospel. Though Gentiles, who don't know anything about Yahweh, would have responded, repented, and started living the Gospel. The "wise" in verse 25 are Jews, while the "little children" are Gentiles.

This sounds a lot like where we're at today. I come from a comfortable suburb in "Christian" America. I grew up with some Christian teachings that guided my life. When Jesus really came into my life, it was pretty sweet for a while, but now I'm in a rhythm. I was once a child, but now I'm one of the "wise and learned". Does the gospel apply to me anymore?

We are the wise. We are not the little children. The little children in America today are the LGBT community, Muslims, alcoholics, and drug addicts. People who grew up with no Jesus, or people who are deemed a threat to our "wise and learned" religion. Those are the people who are weary and burdened. Those are the Gentiles today.

But where do I fit into the gospel? The more I read the teachings of Jesus, the less I feel like he came for me. Did the gospel come for the old me, who is now dead with Christ? Now that I'm saved, do I graduate to Paul's letters to learn how to live? This is my doubt. I have doubt that Jesus' teachings apply to me now that I'm a believer. And you can find any Answer you want by reading any number of opinions by theologians.

I think the only Real Answer is left to be struggled with in the present time, and that's what makes what I have faith. I have faith that even though Jesus' words don't always apply to who I am now, he still wants me and his message still applies to me. I can't justify it not matter how hard I try, but I can't deny it either. I have faith in what I doubt.