A Youth Group Leader's Lament: Group Orders

Recently, Jon Acuff at www.stuffchristianslike.net posted about youth ministers. In it, he said

I think youth ministers have a lifespan that is eight years shorter than the general population due to all the ghetto orange drink and pizza they are forced to consume. And it’s always the kind of pizza where you can’t tell if you’re eating a piece or have just started biting the box. The pizza is thin, covered with a sandpaper like layer of cheese, and crafted with crusts that could kill a man like an aborigine boomerang

It's true. Pizza is the go-to dinner and lunch of choice for all youth-esque group activities. This includes k-5, Jr. High, High School, and College. My theory is that pizza is popular, not because it's every kid's favorite food, but because it's so easy to organize.

Got 20 kids that need to cram down a meal before the <insert church event here> this evening? Call ahead, order 5 large pizzas (make sure to add 1 cheese in case there's the rare Christian Vegetarian in the group), and when the kids arrive they can shuffle in, eat, and get out faster than a S.W.A.T team.

It's the weekend before the mission trip, and we're behind schedule learning our skits! Let all the kids know that although prep is from 9-3 on Saturday, lunch will be provided! What? Chipotle caters? So does Togo's? Too bad! Pizza allows me to do the one thing I like most: not think!

Personally, I'd prefer a ban on pizza. Ever since college, I've sort of lost my appetite for it. In college pizza was convenient. If I had leftovers, I'd have breakfast! Now, I feel like given my status in life, I can safely get by with putting a little more effort into my meals, and sacrificing a bit of my time to eat something that's composed of less than 50% grease.

If businesses want to get in on the rushed youth group market, my suggestion would be for them to develop a group-order menu item. One pizza can be shared by 4 people (or two high school boys, if you're lucky), and you can order a variety so nobody complains. If we can find a way to make, say, burritos the same way, or burgers, or sandwiches, or whatever, I'd switch immediately. I'm looking at you, Chipotle! Invest in some over-sized tortillas! Give us burritos by the slice!