Overkill

I'm not a huge fan of the coffee at work, but that's because you could call me a coffee snob. I loathe Starbucks because they've commercialized something that should have remained indie - sitting at a coffee shop with a friend chatting for hours, or as they say in Bosnia - chafing. However, the coffee at work is Keurig-brand instant coffee. I'll admit, it's probably the best instant coffee in the world, but it's still instant, and being a total snob, I abhor it. Coffee is meant to be brewed. The aroma should waft through the far reaches of the office, enticing the addictions of the workers. As Rockapella taught us:

It's the doo-wop doo-wop
In all I do
The mountain grown aroma
Always comin' through (always comin' through!)
Oh the best part of waking up
Is folgers in your cup.

Cue the falsetto.

Now, at work we have these Keurig coffee makers that use K-cups.
To brew your coffee, simply load up the coffee maker with one of these K-cups, put your mug underneath, and push the button. A high-powered hot-water nozzle will pierce the K-cup and shoot hot water through the instant coffee cup and into your mug. Somehow, water gets transformed into something resembling coffee in mere seconds, while it takes me 3-4 minutes to brew a cup in my french coffee press. Although this is pure, unadulterated coffee sacrilege, I still use it nearly every day to make it through days of making design diagrams. Last week, we had your basic, run-of-the-mill Keurig corporate coffee maker. One button. 8 oz. It worked! And then I came in Monday...

Behold! The Keurig B3000SE!
This office-monster is guaranteed to rock your morning with its ability to brew 4, 6, 8, or 10 ounces of instant joe! On top of that, check out its stylish exterior! It is fluent in 3 languages - French, Spanish, and English, and shines a blue light on your mug as coffee is blasted into your cup!

Golly gee! I'd pay top-dollar for this marvel of coffee-engineering! Do tell, good sir, how much will this Asimovian monster cost me?

Just the low, low price of
$999.99!!!

Are you kidding me?

I hope my company got a bulk discount on these. However, for now, I do enjoy changing the language every time I hit up this monstrosity.